The Gender Gap: SELLING TO THE OPPOSITE SEX

Jill had been selling for many years, and she thought she had seen it all. She had male clients, but she usually got along better with the women. Even though she earned a ChFC, nothing seemed to impress her male prospects. Females seemed more receptive to her. Jill always had long, interesting and enjoyable conversations with women but often short, sweet ones with men. Her closing rate with women was always high, but selling to men frustrated her. They often acted as if they knew more than she did, which usually was incorrect. To boot, they would often defend their faulty opinions.

Her female prospects were different. They seemed more willing to bow to Jill’s expertise. If the men tried to show how much they knew, women were a direct contrast. The women were willing to listen and ask questions even though they were just as informed as men were. The women wanted to get to know Jill while the men often wanted to get right into it. Jill couldn't help wondering if she should market only to women instead of selling to both sexes.

Are gender differences between your prospects and clients important enough to consider when selling to the opposite sex? If you want to increase your income, the answer is definitively YES! Researchers have concluded your sales are, and will be, in direct relation to how well you communicate and sell across gender lines. Studies suggest that women currently influence a significant portion of your sales and in many cases, they make the decision on whether to buy or not. Changing demographics in the next three years might mean that women may influence a larger percentage of your sales. You are also more likely to spend more time selling directly to them. The differences between men and women are confusing, and how to communicate with, and sell to, the opposite sex often presents difficulty for even the most seasoned sales people.

Viva La Difference

Jill’s dilemma is that selling to men confuses her but not any more than most men who venture to sell to women. Can the opposite sex learn the unique communication differences, or should your sales efforts focus only on the same sex? The answer lies in how much you know about the other.

WOMEN COMMUNICATE IN AN EFFORT TO GAIN INTIMACY AND RAPPORT. MEN COMMUNICATE TO GAIN STATUS
AND POWER.

A Case in Point: A woman spoke to a friend about a long time and well liked employee with whom she was having problems. Her confidant commiserated with her situation by relating it to a similar experience she had a couple of years earlier. The two talked for a few hours about how frustrating office politics were. Both felt like they had connected and greatly enjoyed being together.

When the woman related the same office story to her husband, he abruptly said," Why don't you just fire the employee" and then walked away.

The two female friends related to each other without offering solutions. A quick remedy would have only shortened the conversation and diminished the rapport and intimacy. Her husband’s quick fix illustrated how he solved problems. It was also a comment that supported his sense of status. “How good could the advice have been,” the woman thought, “if it was given so quickly?” Women report that they often receive unsolicited and unwelcome advice from men.

Men seem to possess a need to tell women exactly what it is they should do in most situations. Recently, I rode in an elevator with a client discussing this concept of male/female communication patterns. One of my client's friends in the elevator overheard part of the conversation and offered to give both of us a lesson on how to treat women based on his 20 years of marriage. We immediately laughed because he just proved my point. Men tend to give unsolicited advice communicating power and status in conversation.

Solving the Gender Puzzle

In selling to women, spend time empathizing with them, not trying to solve their problems. Share similar situations you've experienced. Talking about the way you felt when it occurred and discussing the emotions of other people involved creates a common ground with your female clients. Women tend to think of success with people as defined by the number of intimate and lasting relationships they possess. Men often value themselves by how well they gain status and accomplishment. Linguist Deborah Tannen identifies the constant one-upmanship that men tend to engage in as "alignment." Men often try to position themselves higher than the person they're talking to, hence bragging and verbal displays of ego.

In selling to men, allow them to position themselves above you. Your own level of self-confidence will dictate how high you will allow a prospect to align himself, but by doing this, you will also give your prospect a sense of security by granting him more status in the relationship. In a man's world, one gains status by giving orders or advice and getting others to follow them. In a women's world, status isn't the objective at all. Making intimate and supportive contact with others is primary.

I’ll continue this discussion in the April issue of Creative Edge when I explore more on the concept of alignment, why women don’t like to buy from men, and how you can overcome their objections and open the door to the exploding market of selling to women.

Dr. Kerry Johnson, MBA, Ph.D.

Kerry is a best-selling author and frequent speaker at financial conferences around the world. Peak Performance Coaching (his
one-on-one coaching program) promises to increase your business by 80% in 8 weeks. To see if you are a candidate for this fast track system, visit www.KerryJohnson.com/coaching and take a free evaluation test. Learn about your strengths and what might be holding you back. Or call
714-368-3650 for more information.

FOR AGENT USE ONLY. NOT FOR USE WITH THE GENERAL PUBLIC. 10877-2010/1/21 | 15545 0210310

Agents may not give tax, legal, accounting or investment advice. Individuals should consult with a professional specializing in these areas regarding the applicability of this information to his/her situation.